Cleanliness is Next to Godliness....Sometimes (The Progression)

....Well no doubt the Lord knew what he was talking about and really i suppose it's not necessarily the kind of cleanliness i am talking about. Truth be known, it's not the reason why i put so much effort into cleaning anyway (I'm not that good), but it does help me feel the Spirit more when everything is clean and tidy in my home.

I put more effort then perhaps i should into having things neat and orderly (nothing extreme here folks, just ask my parents or my husband, ;-)) because it helps me to not feel anxious. Imagine that! I think especially in our LDS culture (although i'm positive it's not exclusive to our culture) we have a bit of the "i need to be perfect" syndrome. But i can't blame culture, cause really, it's just about me and what feels comfortable to me. So yes, that's my confession, i am most motivated to have my house the way it is because it's how i manage my anxieties.

It's not really the best reason to do it though is it?

Except now and then i am gently and lovingly reminded of the wise words of Thomas S. Monson who said, "If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly."

I cannot deny the truth of those words. It's a great thing, those gentle reminders....it helps me not feel guilt laden and overcome with awful feelings and even anxieties on days (or several days) like today has been or even this week.

Sometimes we have days when really the best we can do it almost nothing and you know what, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We try the best we can and sometimes we need a break.

Yesterday i really had no desire to do anything, not work, not even bothering with facebook as much as i usually do (shock horror, i know!), so i sat on the couch.....just sat there....no book....no crochet even. It was a completely new experience for me...to just sit. And after a few mins Sarah came over to me and laid down on the couch with her head in my lap. I played with her hair.....and pushed and pulled her eyebrows around to make her make funny faces, which she begged me to do again and again.

And after i got up i thought......."she needed that." How many times do i miss opportunities to have heart to hearts with the kids or cuddly moments where they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i love them and they are the most important thing? Yes, President Monson is right....

Then last Sunday we had Stake Conference and Elder Cornish of the Seventy was there. His talk was profound, i loved it. Afterwards, Immanuel had asked John if he could go find Elder Cornish and shake his hand. I was in the bathroom with Jack at the time he was seeking Elder Cornish out, and happened to be coming out and bumped into Immanuel as he was approaching Elder Cornish. I pushed through the crowds to hurry and take him to the car, but then paused as Elder Cornish turned around and smiled at my son, shook his hand and asked him his name. He asked how old Immanuel was and then turned to me, smiled and said "Thank you, thank you for all you do. You are doing a great work, it is the MOST important work there is, the most important."

As i reflect on this statement and how it made me feel i am again reminded that although it's important to provide a home where the Spirit can dwell, and a home where they can be safe, and clean, that's just a small part of what our job is here. We have princes and princesses at our feet. The need us, just us. I will do better. I will be the kind of mother the Saviour would be pleased with....because as surely as Elder Cornish said what he said, the Saviour thinks the same thing. I will not fail, i can do anything with the Saviour and His infinite atonement...it gives me strength and reminds me of who i am and why am i here.

So the cleanliness progression is:

• first i used to be quite messy with my new role as mother to quickly two children and a husband that was at work or school all the time.
• then i juggled things better but felt that i was a failure everyday as i could never be a perfect mother and perfect house keeper
• then i had anger and frustration because when we lived at the farm i realized i couldn't keep a home with 15 people in it even close to as clean and orderly as the last step (i know, i know, i'm so silly, i did get over it though! ;-))
• then to having almost a near perfect home but my children weren't being home-schooled very well (i just can't do both perfectly i've learned)
• to now feeling better about not being perfect in having a clean and tidy house.....being perfect in being a mother is more important and i can do that when Christ makes up the difference. He is teaching me today and this week about priorities. So maybe my house it more messy, but it really is okay.

I want no regrets....when they are grown and gone i will have endless amounts of time to keep things clean, but i will not be able to get back what i may have lost with them if i don't make them a priority over the state of my house now....visitors or not. They can judge me if they please, but the only judge that matters to me is my Saviour. He knows what our best is and that's all he requires.